An exhortation to pastors, leaders and the body of Christ

There are women in your church who are ashamed. There are women who understand the concept of forgiveness but don’t know how forgiveness feels. There are women who want so badly to be in true intimacy with Christ, but they can’t be because their sin has built a fortress around their hearts. Do you know these women?

Since 1973, there have been an estimated 48 million abortions in the United States. Research indicates that 1/3 of all pregnancies end in abortion. These numbers are staggering, but should also be sobering because it means there are thousands of post-abortive women in our churches; most of whom are suffering in silence.

I became a Christian in August, 2000 at age 29, just 5 months before getting married. Two weeks before my wedding day, tearful and trembling, I confessed to my fiancé that my past included four abortions. His response was grace filled and compassionate, and for awhile, I felt clean before him and God as I began a new chapter in my life.

Months and years went by as I gradually began to feel shame creep back in. It was so subtle; I could almost avoid putting my finger on what was causing it. I was doing the “Christian walk” pretty well…happily married, loving stay at home mom to two super cute kids, serving regularly as a deacon of a thriving ministry…but through it all, I felt separated from God. I knew I was surrounded with blessings from His hand, I felt truly thankful for the gift of salvation, I knew the theological position of imputed righteousness, and so on, and so on. But I didn’t feel forgiven. I believed that my hidden sin was so much worse than everyone else’s. I kept thinking “of course none of these beautiful, gentle women would ever murder their children, for they know that children are a blessing from God”. (Psalm 127)

Six years after I confessed my sin of abortion to my husband-to-be, I began to hear an unmistakable whisper “this isn’t over…let me be your Redeemer. Trust me to be your Father”.

I heard about a small ministry at my church that discipled post-abortive women. My husband encouraged me to attend the group, so I mustered up the courage to take the first step toward restoration. Admittedly, I was apprehensive. Why is this study 11 weeks long? Aren’t they just going to tell me “God forgives you” and “go forth & sin no more”? What could they possibly have to talk about for three months? Then I was gripped by fear and pride…”but I’m a deacon! I can’t confess such a horrific pattern of sin in my past because I’ve been trusted to be blameless!” (1 Timothy 3:10).
I also thought that people would think I should have never been allowed to have children because I killed my first four. In other words, I believed the lies of Satan, hook, line & sinker. The enemy wanted to keep me in bondage.

During the Bible study, titled “Binding Up the Broken Hearted”, God revealed more to me than I ever could have imagined.

First, I was faced with the reality of my sin. Although I suffered from guilt and shame, there was also a part of me that was in denial…thinking that my choices were the best options for me, given my circumstances at the time.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress. He sent out His Word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction. Psalm 107:19-20

I learned that there have been consequences of my sin…struggling with anger, bitterness, lack of forgiveness for those who have hurt me, drug abuse, attempted suicide, and so on. While some of these things may not be a direct result of abortion, they are definitely a result of my sin separating me from God.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Isaiah 41:13

I was re-introduced to the reality of what Christ accomplished on the cross, through His death and resurrection. I am precious to God, and that truth was worth Jesus’ life. His perfect sacrifice paid the price for what I had done.

But He was wounded for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

I learned that through genuine repentance, and faith in God’s eternal love for me, I can freely accept and enjoy my relationship with Him. Like the sinning woman in Luke 7, my sins have been forgiven much, therefore I love much.

Giving them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:3

There are women like me in your church. Are you equipped to help them? Can you fight the enemy’s will to keep them in bondage, and reach out to sit with them at the foot of the cross? God wants them to receive His forgiveness and purifying love. If you are a pastor and want to equip your leadership to minister to post-abortive women, I urge you to contact Healing Hearts Ministries (http://www.healinghearts.org/) for information on this transforming Bible study.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted… Isaiah 61:1

A Psalm of Confession and Repentance

When I went through the post-abortion Bible study more than a year ago, one of the assignments was to read through Psalm 51. It's a psalm that David wrote after God sent Nathan to him to confront him about Bathsheba. It's a wonderful example of confession & repentance, and I urge you to read it again if it's been awhile since you have! After reading the psalm, we were instructed to write our own psalm to God, with confession & repentance in mind.
This is a great exercise - particularly if you're feeling stuck in your prayer time. Here is my psalm...

Holy, just and merciful God - your ways are a mystery to me.

How you can know my heart, my innumerable sins and still love me - still offer me a seat at the great feast in your kingdom - it is a mystery.

That you see fit to pour abundant blessings into my life, knowing my ungrateful, unsatisfied heart - it is a mystery.

That you have entrusted two little lives to me after I proved untrustworthy with four others; and you blessed me a husband who loves me when I made a mockery of marriage in my youth - it is a mystery.

That you have assured me eternal life with you, my heavenly Father who loves me, when I tried to kill myself to ease the pain of an earthly father & mother who don't - it is a mystery.

That you bless me with good health after I have continually and habitually abused my body - it is a mystery.

And Lord, how you could take your perfect, blameless, glorious Son and put Him on a cross to suffer and die so He can put to death all of the sin in me is the greatest mystery of all.

Father, thank you that your ways are not mine for my life has no hope in my own hands.

Though I don't understand, thank you for the peace in knowing that when you look at me, you see Jesus.

Thank you for giving your Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me, and your perfect Word - much of which is a mystery - all of which is Truth.

Amen.

Radio interview on my abortion experiences

In August, 2006 I did an impromtu interview with radio host Thor Tolo.
The topic was abortion. In the interview I share my personal experiences as well as the transformation & healing I received going through the Healing Hearts study for post-abortive women. Here is an audio file of that interview. FYI...the web address I give for Healing Hearts in the interview is incorrect (I blame it on nerves). Correct address = www.healinghearts.org
http://www.marshillchurch.org/audio/JudyAbolafya_KGNW_Healing_Heart_Ministries.mp3

My Testimony

I tend to think of my life in the same terms as history...BC and AD.
August, 2000 was the month that forever changed me, but first, a little on my life "before Christ"...

In the interest of time, I'll begin with my adult years.
When I was 17 years old, my dad told me to move out - just 5 days before Christmas. Not knowing where to go or what to do, I went to live with a friend & her parents while my boyfriend frantically looked for an apartment for both of us. Within a couple of months, we were living together, then married, by age 19. An affair, two abortions, a drug addiction to speed, and less than two years later, I was divorced.
After moving to the outskirts of Seattle, determined to make a new life for myself in a new state, I was cleaned up and ready to move on. A new friend & I decided to save up money to live in London, England for about a year. While we were there, I met some people in the music industry and suddenly found myself with a new career as a tour merchandiser. At just 22 years old, I was up to my neck in rock stars, 5 star hotels, a different city every day and more drugs. After one of my tours ended, I decided to move to Chicago - for no good reason really, just because it seemed like a fun place to try. Within three months, I was hospitalized because of a suicide attempt. The doctors phoned my parents, telling them they'd better get on the first plane to Chicago because I probably wouldn't make it through the night. By God's grace, I walked away without any physical or mental repercussions - even after swallowing 58 Amitryptelines.
Back in Seattle, I vowed that life would indeed be different this time. I went from the music industry to working at an insurance company. I went from staying in gorgeous hotels every night, to living in a run down studio apartment known as the Cockroach Motel. Admittedly, as responsible as these changes were, I was suffering from a sort of culture shock, so I applied & got hired at a local music company.
It was there that I met Ari. We dated for almost 2 full years before deciding to move in together in June, 2000. Two months later, he mustered the courage to have a talk with me that would change our lives.
He told me that he was a Christian; and though he got saved 7 years prior, he had been living in rebellion. He said that he thought we should get married because it wasn't right for us to just be living together. After about 6 hours of arguing & discussing, I agreed to visit a church with him the following Sunday. It was horrible. Later that week, a friend told him about another church called Mars Hill. Services at this church were much easier to sit through and I looked forward to going back the next week. It was my second visit to Mars Hill that Jesus saved my soul. Ari and I became engaged and got married in December, 2000. We became members at Mars Hill one month later.
Today, I'm a stay at home mom with two kids and a mini van and I'm a deacon at Mars Hill. There are times that I'm ashamed of my past, and wish that I had a safe, boring story about loving Jesus since preschool. But that's not the story that God wants me to tell. He has blessed me with a story of amazing grace. He has blessed me with a story of redemption and forgiveness, mercy and miracles. To God be the glory, now and forever. Amen.

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Merry Christmas & may the peace of Christ be yours.